Passive Aggressive.

When I'm pissed off, in reality, I would stay quiet and avoid whatever it is that pissing me off. But in my own kooky mind, I'll scheme up a wicked plan. Say a kidnapping. Or an accidental stair accident. Fret not, it only goes as far as a lil chuckle from me. I have not done anything of sorts, yet. I shall give you an example.

You have a nemesis and from now on we call her Amy. Say the nemesis is a 4 foot, spectacle, shy, just out from kampung and kinda looks like a retard. Ok she may not look retarded, but for the sake of this post, lets say she is. Now a nemesis is someone you know and is friends with but secretly inside, you just wanna slap that motherF up.

If you're anything like me, friendship revolves around lepak-ing with food involve. And if you really are like me, you like to invite friends over to your home and cook for them. This is a good time to pick a theme. Orange would be great. If anyone asked why go all smancy and even setting up a theme, just nonchalantly say "oh coz I just feel like doing something nice. Coz I love each and one of you," and that time, look directly at her eyes.

When your guests all arrived, compliment them on something. The hair, the dress or even that new girlfriend of Max (which you haven't invited but hey more witnesses! why not). And when the unsuspecting Amy walks in, say this "Oh my God! you look like an Oompa Loompa!" Then pat her heads and usher her in. Now you understand why the theme must be orange!

Last time I cooked for my friends was a big batch of spaghetti. It is very useful if you asked the girls if they mind helping you out by setting the table. When Amy tries to help by picking up the plates just say "oh no no no. Not you. Remember..." and you may disclose any embarrassing klutzy details of Amy's life. And laugh heartily and said "no offense Amy. Be a sport. I'm only joking,"

Now the table is set. It is very important that you're the one that scooped up the spaghetti. And then sprinkle some cheese on top. At this moment, having magical hands are very handy. Put spices on Amy's plate. The more you put the better. And gleefully watch as she squirms over the spicy-ness. And whats this? You forgot to serve drinks? Oh dear oh dear. Take every slow step that you can to get her a glass of that very needed water. And she finally down that drink, smile and say "awww Amy cant take up a lil heat huh"

It is now dessert time. This is great if Amy were allergic to peanuts. You can pair anything with peanuts, like say smoothie, ice cream, brownies, chocolates and the list goes on. And it is easy to conceal peanuts. Now when her throats blows up, act panicky but then hey whats this! You have that syringe thingy and you stab her throat just in time to save her life. You might have stab a lil hard, but its ok, she'll live.

While everyone calms down over the commotion, you just turn on that 55 inch LCD tv and let them watch a game. Preferably a match of Selangor VS Terengganu. And since Amy is from Terengganu, you pray to God that Selangor will win. And if God loves you (and he might considering what Amy had done to you), and Selangor won, rubbed it in her face on how inefficient the Terengganu players was.

The night is about to end. Everyone seems like they had a good time. Mark is even kissing his new girlfriend on your couch. And the rest of the couple is about to retire back home. Amy is all alone. You go up to her, pats her back, gave her a hug and tell her one day, she'll find the one. Right at that moment, the doorbell will ring and your hot damn gorgeous new boyfriend enters. You squeal in delight, ran up to him and give him a kiss for all to watch. Make sure Amy gets a good view. Everyone leaves so that you may have time with the said gorgeous and sexy as hell boyfriend. You may never hear from Amy again, but hey, that was what the dinner was for.

I might have gotten a lil out of hand somewhere in the middle but this is what daydreams are for. Its when reality suck so much that you just have to run away from it and be satisfied with something, even though it is  not true. Sure you need to embrace reality and all that suckiness, but a lil help from imagination does help from time to time.

NOTE: I made up everything. I'm only joking. Seriously, don't do any of this stuff.

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