After a long time of absence, I finally made my way back to the Doc's office. The overdue appointments, the wafting smell of a the combined vomit and hand sanitizers, and the leer of the stuck up receptionist awaken every senses and that God awful feeling of patheticness. One thing I was looking forward for was Hannah.
Hannah. She barely fits the idea of a friend. She was merely an acquaintance of a sort that we met by chance of an overlapping appointments. We never talked outside that four walls of the Doc's office. We don't facebook each other, and we don't text each other. we just enjoyed each others company while waiting in the sullen room. I swear, in another life, we would be the best buddies.
She once mocked my playlist and introduced me to Pink Floyd. I mocked her choice of books and introduced her to the Tomorrow series.
We secretly made fun of the Doc and his accent.
We traded war stories, though mine look likes a fairy tale next to her.
We read each other blogs and gave our two cents. She was utterly annoyed when I deleted the last one.
We could tell when the other had an episode, or just need a happy pill refill.
It was not all fun though,. She had mocked my favorite green hoodie to which I regretfully said at least I can wear short sleeves. I was an idiot, she quickly tugged on her sleeves covering up her slashes.
The last time I met her, I was too cheerful for her mood. So we just traded our iPhone to listen to the other's playlist. That was when I thought I could handle stuff better. I was wrong. And now I am back, hoping to at least have a chance encounter and meet her there.
But she wasn't. For that 4 months of absence, she finally did what she always tried. And I probably the last person in her little world to know.
Hey Hannah. Thanks for your music, your stories and your warmth. You'll be deeply missed.
RIP Hannah Tan