This was in drafts.

know that I love you. I hope that I had said it enough when I could. Remember that you are important to me, and I guess this is all cliches and cheesy, but I like it.

I wished I had tried more, make a little more effort with you. But I cou

What fuckery that I had gotten myself into? Such a dumbass, why do I even bother writing a love letter, obviously not for him.

I needed a sign.

A hint or anything.
Why do I always play dumb and act like I don’t know?
Fucking hell.
I am bad feng shui.

Should mandi bunga the shit out of this.

Cigarette on her lips.

If my heart were a person,
I'd imagined her in black and white
Hair in a mess
Wearing a big white tshirt
Faced ashen
Lips swollen
Eyes dead
That is how I see her last.

And if I get to talk to her
I'd give a fucking cigarette.

For a second there

I thought I had what I had

Felt what I felt

Tasted what I tasted 

Not too long ago

In the same mediocre manner 

Just like what it was used to.

But of course this is life

and it went away in a flurry

and I was left there stumped

thinking; oh well

whatever.

You've grown up.

Because deep down I knew

I never like how it tasted

I hated how it felt

but I dared, oh how I dared

to slip poison through 

and thinking oh this is real.

So I grew up.

This is life I said

I stop the wanting

I stop the chasing

I stop the hoping

Don't come as you please

because I am tired

So please

Grow up

Hahahahaha

I took the time to read my older writings tonight.

And boy I laughed a lot. How I was so naive, stupid and very sadistic in some.

Here's to the future and may it not suck.

What's inside?

Good morning.
I want my coffee now.
Oh wait, I'm not allowed coffee.
What's that pain?
Just ignore it. Time for shower.
Oh shit, that limb was not supposed to swell.
Meds, meds, meds.
Time for school.
Kids!
Grammar!
Breathe in, breathe out.
STOP hyperventilating!
Kids are watching, act cool.
Why is that pain still there?  I took my meds!
Oh its gone now.
Time to text my baby.
Oh he misses me. Cute.
Send lots of kisses.
Suddenly I feel depressed.
Shit.
Ow, ow, ow.
Time to go home.
Housemates cook so good.
Dammit I can't eat that.
Why can't you cook good with stuff I'm allowed to eat?
Meds, meds, meds.
Skype with baby.
Everything is fine, I'm OK.
Gooey.
Mushy.
Goodnight.
My head is throbbing, but goodnight.

Gooey.

Remember back when I rhyme?
with the moon and the sun,
I was laughing, playing, anything
And it was less for a dime.

But remember how suddenly everything taste like crime?
Washing sadness with the spoon and the gun,
I hated something, everything, anything
And I wanted less time.

Now, I found myself wanting to rhyme
for someone is making me swoon and so fun,
I am smiling, living, trying
And I need more time.

I don't give a damn.

I don't give a damn,
When the clothes are stacked not according colour scheme,
When the door left slightly ajar or
when someone left the cap off the tube of cream.

I don't give a damn,
When my feet ache,
When my lungs are constricted or
when my fingers start to shake.

But I do give a damn,
I do,
I do,
And it all comes back to you.

Like it was nothing.

My right hand was trembling again today. The others saw it. I hid it under the table, as they pretended to look away and busying themselves over nothing.

It won't stop, the trembling. And I had to continuously squeeze my hand and held it tight, trying as I can to make it stop. But it won't.

Tears were forming and they started to notice. No one moved though, and I was glad.

So I did what I can do best. I slammed my hand hard on the table.

Everyone looked. I laughed and said there was a cockroach.

They gave me a nervous smile. Eyes still checking my hand.

It stopped trembling.

So I stood up from my table, beamed a big smile and walked out the staff room.

blurp the third.

There was something warm next to me. I was sure of it. Mona must have let in the stupid big ass cat again. So warm. And smell like… shampoo? What the. I opened my eyes and squint through the glare from the sunlight. 

I slowly got up and got down from the bed. I rubbed my eyes again. Sure enough, she was there facing towards me. Eyes closed, mouth opened slightly, and snoring. She was still wearing her clothes, and I got a little disappointed. I was still dazed from waking up. I tried remembering what happen last night.

She seemed upset. She sat staring at nothing for hours when I finally joined her at her table. It took me loads of courage to get up to her that night. I always had a thing for her even though there was nothing interesting about her. She always sat at the same table. Ordered the same thing. Fiddled with her necklace, biting her lips when concentrating. And that was it. But I fell hard.

After talking, I found out that she had missed the train back home. I offered her a lift.  She quirked an eyebrow when I got to my motorcycle. Good thing Ryan had an extra helmet. It was like destiny. Cheesy I know. I asked if she would like to hang out for awhile and get something to eat considering she was imitating a corpse for a couple of hours. She laughed this horrible laugh and said yes.

The best thing about last night, she had never ridden on a motorcycle before. My heart did jumping jacks when she put her hands around me. When we got to a restaurant, I found out for a skinny girl, she ate a lot. And I mean, cleaned plate a lot. We split a banana split and I found out more about her...

She was boring as hell but still melts my heart when her tongue darted out to lick her lips. She noticed I was staring, and she placed her hand on my face and trace my lips with her fingers.

One thing lead to another, I ended up sneaking her up to my room. No, we didn’t kiss, heck from the look of it nothing happened. We just talked and cuddled. She was soft, she smelled like shampoo and she had this horrible laugh. Why do I like her again?

She stirred a bit and buried her face into my pillow. MY PILLOW! It seemed that she did not recognize it when she faced me back and opened her eyes. The moment she saw me, she smiled. A brilliant-weakened –the-knees smile.

“Good morning Geoff.”